Insert Clever and Witty Title Here
by Snape's Hair Is Fabulous
Summary: "Okayyyy... so all I have to do is get rid of the all powerful Mary Sue before she turns everyone into weird, pervy, emo people? Sure, why not? No problemo amigo. Wait a minute... is that Marty Mcfly?" Based on and inspired by the infamous fanfic My Immortal. Will probably not make any sense if you haven't read My Immortal yet.


Author's Note: This story was inspired by the both hilarious and horrible "story" that is My Immortal by Tara Gilesbie. Should you find yourself offended by the character Ebony (though it will sometimes change to Enoby), please note that she is of Tara's creation, and not mine (Thank God). If you currently have no idea what I'm talking about, you should probably read My Immortal, an infamously bad Harry Potter fanfic that was so bad, it was deleted, but it was reposted on FFnet by others because it's the funniest thing you will ever read. Also, I am not the brilliant J.K. Rowling, so I don't own Harry Potter either. Now, gather 'round children, and lets get on with the story.

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Chapter One:

_Oh no._

_This cannot be happening._

_This cannot be happening._

_Sweet sugar coated Bulbasaur what have I done._

Ancient books with cracked leather covers and crumbling yellow papers lined the walls along with new, shiny, hard bound books that still smelled like print. In one corner of the room, a plush armchair and a velvet red love seat accompanied a coffee table on which sat a chess set. On the other corner were antique cabinets that contained bones, rocks, rusty looking trinkets, and all sorts of odd whozits and whatzits. The slightly faded cashmere colored wallpaper was covered in incatations written in gold. The view out the window was rather unique, you could see planets, and galaxies and stars outside, as if you were in a spaceship. If one looked to the midnight blue ceiling they could see silver marks and designs marking constellations and planetary arrangements. In the center of the room, sat a large, rather intimidating oak desk, behind it, a tall, matching chair. Papers were strewn upon the desk, pens, that had run out of ink were scattered on the floor, and an open pack of Doritos lay half eaten. Meanwhile, a young man with messy brown curls wearing khakis, an old Rolling Stones t-shirt, and teal grey robes paced around his study, brow furrowed and hands clasped behind his back, deep in thought.

_It was an accident._

Fate, (though his peers called him Jared; Fate was more of a girl's name) was extremely worried with the situation he was under. This was unusual, since Fate was master over all universes, creating destinies, shaping worlds, and even destroying life with a simple wave of his hand. Basically, he was all-powerful. He was a God. He shouldn't have to worry about anything.

And yet, here he was losing his composure over what he had done. It was totally unintentional, a mishap of epic proportions. He had over indulged on some wine (Elf-made, circa 1867, he couldn't resist.) last night and made a terrible mistake. He had meddled with an evil power that was far beyond him.

Though Fate was easily the most powerful being in all the universes, there was one creature, one force that he simply could not control.

Mary Sues.

They were perfect creatures, pretty, smart, multi-talented, graceful, extremely lucky, and basically terrific at everything they did.

He shuddered and paled slightly, just thinking of them made him feel nauseous

They were everywhere and could be anything, from beautiful and graceful lady elves with unnecessarily long names in Middle Earth, to impossibly indestructible demigods in Camp Half Blood who still look gorgeous even when caked with blood and dirt.

But this...this..._thing_, was the worst Mary-Sue he had ever seen in his whole life, and since he'd been here since the beginning of the universe, that's saying quite a lot.

She was as pale as as snow, fair of face, and had long, straight, night black hair.

But that's basically where the good things stop.

Her hair had streaks of purple and red, which wasn't that bad if it weren't for the fact that they were absurdly bright. She wore copious amounts of black eyeliner, red eyeshadow, and black lipstick making her look like crayola gang banged her face. Most of her wardrobe consisted of things that only hookers would wear, usually black leather, tights, and tons and tons of lace. She is considered gothic, or "goffik" as she puts it, when in fact she brings shame to punk couture.

And you know how they say never judge a book by it's cover?

They're right, on the inside, she's far worse.

She's extremely - forgive me for the lack of a better term - stupid. Her grammar and spelling are so atrocious that it doesn't even sound like english anymore. Her IQ is probably lower than her age and she's _sixteen_. Also, her name, it's ridiculous. Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. Who has a name like that?

Oh right. Mary Sues. Duh.

Well, dear reader, you're probably wondering: How could such a revolting person could win over anyone? Well, that's what makes her the worst Mary-Sue. She doesn't. All she has to do is stay around characters for a long time and then…..they…they _go out of character._ Soon enough Hogwarts will be full of Ebonys.

Fate buried his face in his hands once he remembered which universe he sent that…_thing…_to. The Wizarding World, and that one was one of his finer creations!

He whimpered and sent his sympathies to the students of Hogwarts. Why didn't he send the Mary Sue to the Twilight universe? He didn't like Twilight very much, thinking of that odd sparkly boy that greatly resembled Cedric Diggory. What a coincidence…..

Wait a minute. Maybe...there is a way to stop her. But...

It's risky. Might not work. But still...it was his last hope, and Fate didn't want to sit and watch as such remarkable characters crashed and burned.

He quickly scurried over to his desk and took his iPad (Hello! It's the 21st century! Crystal orbs went way out of style eons ago) into his hands.

It only took a few taps, a little shaking, some cursing, a furious phone call with a call center agent, a new iPad, some hocus pocus, a few more taps, and Fate finally found what he was looking for.

A nice, perfectly normal, canon-abiding girl.

He peered at her profile, making sure everything was in order.

_Keira Grace Hanson_

_Age: 16_

_Date of Birth: January 21, 1996_

_Sex: Female_

_Nationality: English_

_Family: Gerard Hanson, father_

_ Lisa Hanson, mother, deceased_

_ Philip Hanson, older brother_

_ Bruce Hanson, older brother_

_Luke Hanson, older brother_

_Pets: Pierre, Siamese cat._

_Place of Residence:12B, Baylis Road, Lambeth, London, England_

_Education: Brookfield Preschool, Hastings Elementary School, Southridge High_

_Physical Appearance: Brown hair, blue eyes, normal weight, 5"5_

_Intrests: Reading, writing, drawing, football (soccer), rugby_

Fate nodded once to himself, took a deep breath, and proceeded to mutter an incantation in a somber tone. Once he was finished, his body sagged, as if extremely tired. He silently wished that Keira girl good luck, for the sanity of the wizarding world now lay in her hands.

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**What did you guys think? Any comments? Questions? Violent reactions? Send me a review and I can guarantee you a response. Also, you might have noticed that I changed Ebony's age from 17 to 16. Another thing is that I didn't mention that Ebony was a vampire, but don't worry, it'll turn up soon. Hope you guys don't mind.**


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